... : 28/08/2026 (21:37)

I dont really quite know how to put todays situation into words... I feel so absolutely devisated.

Today, the main actor for my first independant short film revoked their consent for me to use their footage and blocked me completely out of the blue. I do not, and probably will not ever know why. We had one more shoot day to finalise the footage after 2 months of work from them, and around 4 months behind the scenes.
I am beyond appauled and devistated at their selfish and completely childish behavior, screwing over me, my crew, and everyone who has helped to make this project a reality.

I have no film. I have no work I am able to show. I feel utterly and completely helpless and stupid.
This has been such a difficult process, bringing back alot of emotions from when I was at my worst, but now that I don't even have anything to show for it I feel entirely empty.

I hate apple: 25/08/2026 (23:57)

I hate apple alot

Im late! Im late! Im late!: 25/08/2026 (16:29)

I am stuck at the train station. My train was meant to be 4 minuets ago and I have just found it to be CANCELLED, with the next one in about half an hour.
This wouldnt be too much of a problem if I didnt have JOB TRAINING AT 17:00 WHICH I AM NOW GOONG TO BR LATE FOR!!!

Yeah, makes for a great first impression having your first day of actual work be the one youre late for.
Ive emailed my supervisor so I should be fine but its still incredibly annoying

My love hate relationship with A-level politics: 23/08/2026 (02:33)

So Its like half 2 in the morning and Im doing politics work because what else would I be doing lets be so real (IVE BEEN WORKING ON THE SAME DOCUMENT FOR THE WHOLE DAY UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)
We love procrastination in the form of other work, fuck you my English NEA! HAHA!!!

Anyways, I watched all of Hamilton and have now realised that my love for it is destroyed due to the work Im doing... I actually understand the musical and how wrong it is and I know all the actual history behind it and now I hate it what is this

Dont get me wrong, I love this subject so so much and I have such a passion for it, BUT CMON MAN YOURE DESTROYING MY OTHER INTERESTS

Distracted by work, but I am free: 20/08/2026 (23:43)

So currently my process for making my about page is distracting me from everything else in my life and honestly I'm okay with that, like look at this, its amazing



I have so much autism its insane

Silly silly : 16/08/2026 (20:04)

I love Silly so much theyre so sexy and in my home rn. They are watching me type this I think, but not acknowledging it...

(21:55)

Updating this cuz I forgor I was writing a blog post in the middle writing it and got distracted updating the site... T-T
Today was okay, that friend I was on about in the last post wasnt as much of a pain as I thought they were gonna be so thats definately a possitive... but the day was still reallyyyyyyy stressful.
I didnt get much sleep and got distracted when I woke up at 6AM by editing for the film and did the whole of scene 5 before leaving for filming lol. The shoot went well but we were cut down for time because one of my actors had to leave early, meaning we had to cut some of the script *CRYING*

Silly is now at my house following the shoot and I'm attempting to get them onto the magnus archives!! Wish me luck!

Drama and stress : 16/08/2026 (00:03)

Just had a little bit of an issue with a friend and you know when youre just like, 'girl, i love you but why do you have to be like this so so so much of the time like seriously where do you get all this energy driving yo bullshit'

So anyways thats how my night's been, Ive got filming to do tmr so thats all fun and dandy when Im up at FUCKING MIDNIGHT, with a bullshit argument which is meant to be helping me with this goddamn short film but instead making me want to jump off an absolute cliff!!

First post : 15/08/2026 (15:31)

I DID IT I MADE A BOX AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH IM SO GOOD AND SMART HELL YEAH